I haven’t written in my blog for a few years now. It is because a lot has changed . The change I am going to talk about in this post is very spiritual. If you are spiritual in anyway and believe in the spirit world, you need to read this.
I still live in the woods, in the same tiny house with the same man and dogs. I got married to this man. But before I got married to him I had a huge conviction. Since I live in the woods I have a lot of time to myself in these woods. So much time, I didn’t even know what to do with myself. Well Adam told me, when we met that he was a Christian. This made me so happy because my mom was a Christian and I knew she would love him.
I was a self proclaimed christian as well. But to be honest I had a lot of New Age beliefs. Even in these past posts of mine I talked about manifesting my dreams, making my wishes come true, putting energy out into the universe, talking about yoga and the power of nature and healing.
So one day as I am in the woods by myself (he was at work) I wanted to read a book. I browsed our book shelf. He had a beautiful bible. It was in a case, it was a leather book with golden edged pages. I picked it up and opened to the New Testament. I started reading and a wave of the Spirit hit me as I was reading the words. I knew I was living in sin. It broke my heart. I called my mom right up and told her how I was living in such sin. I felt filthy and awful. I had woken up.
It is not a bad thing this happened. Even at the time I felt broken and disgusting. I knew I needed to change. I felt in my heart I had to marry Adam. I kept trying to make excuses like, “it’s okay to live with my boyfriend, I am married to him in my mind” but that was a lie. Another sin. I had to stop lying to myself. I had to stop. I wasn’t going to move out. I knew time would heal. But I got down on my knees and prayed. I gave up, I am not powerful like I thought. To be honest, thinking you can manifest things is downright selfish. It made the world revolve around me. I didn’t think or care about others, I only cared about my own selfish desires. Everything changed for me this day. Just by opening the bible.
I know some people are not going to like what I said and will say going forward. But honestly. All these things I did talk about before can still happen. But you need to focus on God. The universe is not going to help you. The universe is not alive!! But you know what is alive out in the universe? The devil and his demons. Yep. It is terrifying because I might have been on the devil’s side before my awakening.
You see, if you don’t have God in your life, if you don’t believe that Jesus is your savior, but you have spiritual experiences, who do you think that comes from? God isn’t forceful. He isn’t going to force you to believe in him. He will and always has loved you, but you won’t receive his blessings if you deny him. The devil will counteract everything that God does. So if you are spiritual in anyway besides Christianity, then the devil is playing with you.
I want to be honest with you. When I was living in sin, a backsliding, half christian half new age, world person, I was not content. I was always wanting more. Searching for more. I wanted supernatural experiences. I wanted to feel powerful. I always wanted something. Now that I have denied my flesh, humbled myself, thanked God for my blessings, put God before everything, give credit to God for things that happen in my life, I am finally content.
So back to my story. After calling my mom, crying out to God, asking Jesus to forgive me. I knew I had a long way to go. I prayed daily for me to stay on the right path. I started reading the Bible daily, if not, weekly. I really changed myself because my whole mind was changed. Everything changed that day. I prayed to God daily that I could get out of my sinful way of living with my boyfriend.
Well about four months later, Adam asked me to marry him. I was so surprised. We went on an e-bike ride up our favorite mountain. It was a cold fall day.
After being up there for almost an hour I said “can we go, I’m cold”
he said something like “wait I have to ask something”
I said in a silly tone, “what on Earth would you ask?”
he went to his backpack and grabbed something out of it. He walked over to me with the biggest smile, got down on one knee, opened up a ring box and asked “will you marry me?”
I started to shake. I felt the world spinning around me. I lit up, my smile probably quivering. I probably started laughing, a joyful unbelievable laugh of pure happiness. I said “yes!!”
I felt so much relief after that. Like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I knew in my future I would be married to Adam and wouldn’t need to worry. You know, you don’t even need to worry when you have Jesus. You give him all your worries. He can handle everything. Thats exactly what I started to do. I put all my trust, all my faith into Jesus. I gave him all my worries. Every time I had any negative thought, I would pray
“Jesus please take this worry away from me, I am giving you all my worries, thank you” and I felt so much better.
I still do this. I don’t find myself giving him worries as much, because I don’t have any left to give! I seriously feel free.
So a year later, Adam and I got married, in the summer of 2019. My life changed completely again after that. I was finally set free that day. All guilt out the window.
I fully realized from the day I picked that bible up and forevermore that I am not powerful. That nothing else is more powerful than God. I let go of thinking I made my dreams come true. I let manifesting go. I will not be selfish anymore. It is God that does it all. He is behind the beauty in the world. I say that nature is healing, and it is true because God made nature. I still believe in taking care of our bodies, because we are made in the image of God. We are his children. He made us so we can be with him. People seem to forget that. They make themselves into gods by being powerful, controlling their energy. We are suppose to have self control, but that self control in the Bible is talking about sinning. Have control over your actions, not have control of making things happen magically.
I will say that when I was talking about manifesting I would obsess over things and then forget about them. Well I want to say now, don’t obsess over anything other than God. The things of this Earth are not worth your afterlife. You can still dream and have goals, but do not make it your life. I did mention in my post too that humbling yourself is a key. That is still true, and definitely letting go of your obsessive thoughts that are not on the word of the Lord, that is also true. That’s why I was semi Christian, and semi New Age. I had some things right and some things totally wrong.
We really need to start asking God what his will is for us.
Say something like “God, what can I do for you?”
I really believe that if we let go of trying to control our lives, doing everything the way we want, and letting God in our lives and asking him to lead the way, we will find peace.
I might go deeper on some of the things I mentioned in this post on a different post. For now, thank you for reading and God bless you. Keep seeking his face, don’t seek the world. If you are into reading self help books, at least try the Bible. Have a wonderful day!